i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
