How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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