i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
