My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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