I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize
