i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
