Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So much rum. So many feels.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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