You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
