How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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