I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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