Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
