I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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