he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
