When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
