Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
