1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She bit a glass in half.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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