"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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