Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
