I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
