It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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