when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
