Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
