Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You took a bar mat shot.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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