Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
