So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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