whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
