Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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