Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
hell yes lets make some ravioli
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
