I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
