He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
