just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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