took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
