i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
There's even glitter on my cock...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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