haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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