After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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