I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We're too hungover to prance.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
