This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
