he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
