I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
