escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
