You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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