so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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