I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm just crazy horny about you
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
