the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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