he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
