): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
