I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
