I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize