I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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