I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
