i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
