i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
