I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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