I wish they made helmets for livers.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
