im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
this boner is exhausting
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Someone came in the potted fern
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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