i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
