How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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