i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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