end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
