Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Are we still banned from the library?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
