Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
