best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
