Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
