she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
