Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
